From the sublime to the camel toe, all bases are covered in Zagreb. Mostly these super-skinny women, with legs that have NEVER chafed at the thighs, are over-the-top decked out. They do not do casual and flat heels are for old babas and tourists. I’ve never seen so many hooker heels in one place (ok, maybe on Hay St in Kalgoorlie).

A small plaza on Wednesday night provided a good example: despite their skinny good-for-nothing legs, they don’t teeter. They are completely at home stuck up in the air: if I was that high, I would have altitude sickness.

The Zagreb woman wear high fashion: anything that can be copied from Paris is now showing at a Zagreb plaza. These women are gob-smackingly gorgeous.

The men ………. Let me be king – on the most part, and on all available evidence, they are punching WAY above their weight.

Despite this unassailable fact, these aesthetically-challenged blokes seem to have a strange power over their glamazons. Last night I went into H&M to have a squizz. A pretty skirt just happened to flick onto my arm & I had to try it on.

HORROR! Not only are there blokes in the change-room area, they are IN the cubicles with the wife/girlfriend giving them fashion advice. With more arrogance than Carl Lagerfeld, they screech and boss around the women, chucking clothes at them through curtains that they hold wide open in overt declarations: “check out my woman. I may be a fat, ugly, arrogant so&so, but I’ve got her!”

Bloody hell, even Cro-man was staggered by the difference in beauty quotient between the sexes.

At the other end, there’s the camel toe, which some Cro-women adhere to with a vengeance. Most popular is the white nylon slack, worn just under the bust-line and with the kind of vaginal anatomical accuracy that made my eyes water. One woman was so excruciating on Friday night, all I could do was cough and clear my throat on her behalf. She was oblivious, maybe because she was drinking watermelon rakia.

Until next time,,,,,,,,,,,